Posts Tagged 'baby'

Two headed dragon

Twins are the new black. The latest accessory. I’ve actually heard that triplets are the new twins. I would LOVE to meet the moron who coined that phrase.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman say “I just want to have twins and get it over with” I’d have… well, a lot of dollars. To be honest, whenever I hear this I think of my wife and the discomfort she felt during the last three months of her pregnancy and how truly miserable she was. If she heard some 23-year-old with perfect tits spout this retarded phrase now she would most likely read her the riot act about how fucking brutal it is to get up a minimum of twelve times a night to feed the ravenous little monsters. That waking up at 7AM is actually considered sleeping in now. Don’t get me wrong, I love my girls and wouldn’t have it any other way, but cripes do I miss a full nights sleep..

When our girls were first-born we would take them out and people would gush all over them. The oooz n ahhs heard on a daily basis was not only endearing, but I totally I loved it. That was until going for a walk became less of a simple outing and more like being a famous person avoiding the paparazzi. Now I know how Lindsay Lohan must feel while attempting to exit a vehicle without someone popping a photo of her beaver. It really started to grate my nerves when we were unable to walk more than ten feet without some overly intrusive woman stopping us with a squeal of delight over our two new humans. Yes they are twins.  Boys? Sure, we just like to dress them head to toe in pink because we’re so progressive. One woman actually reached in to put one of my daughters pacifiers back in. Really? Really?? Who are these people? I stood there looking at her with incredulous disbelief while imagining myself punching her in the face. hard. I don’t know about you, but when out in public and seeing a cute baby I know I love to stick my fingers in the kids face.

Things have calmed down a little now as the girls have gotten older, however we still get a lot of smiles from people as we walk on by. That I don’t mind. What is it about twins that evoke feelings of warmth out of even the hardest looking  Hollywood rocker hipster? It’s like walking down the street with a two-headed dragon. People stare. You’d think that as twins are so common now that we wouldn’t be anything other than parents of perfect looking, and stunningly beautiful twin daughters. I guess folks look at twins like they just viewed something special. Like they caught a glimpse of a leprechaun. And when I think about this, I imagine they did. Twins are special. These two little human beings grew in my wife’s belly. Amazing. Every day I look at my daughters and am in awe of how incredible women are. How amazing it is that my wife grew these two beautiful children inside of her. Whoever said that women are the weaker sex probably never had kids. because if he did he would realize that while we men may be able to lift heavy things, but we are in fact, the weaker sex.Except for me. I’m awesome. Just ask my mother.


Poop, there it is!

What the f#@% is that smell? I am sure these words have escaped the lips of more than just one parent. Today, they escaped mine and I’m pretty sure it won’t be the last time either. Sure we have all experienced our little munchkins running around the house in their birthday suits, squeeling their little lungs out. It’s cute as hell, but note to self – keep the pants on before putting them down for a nap.

Long story short, one of my daughters proceeded to take off her diaper and shit all over the place. Her fussing stopped immediately as I poked my head in the door and crinkled my nose to the smell. She giggled and smiled. I didn’t.

So that’s it. I’m elbows deep in shit. How fun for me.

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